229 Is This Normal At 50? Mary Rogers

Spread the word about Experience 50!

Experience 50 Podcast episode 229

FAQ: Is it normal to be miserable at 50?

ANSWER: Yes. No.

Yes, it is very normal to experience some misery on your way to the best decade of life.

Today, I’m taking you into the mailbag of common themes of SO many listener messages which describe varying states of misery. Trust me, it is only a phase and I can tell you how to move through it.

If, you are on the “other side” of the whole midlife crisis experience at 50-something, and found help in a specific book, quote, workshop, meditation, journaling, activity, etc… PLEASE share it and I will continue to update this page with resources. Best way is to use the Send Voicemail icon or email me or post in the Facebook Group. We need to help each other!

Most new listeners are reaching out to ask, “Is this normal”?

Most Frequent Statements:

Dear Mary,

  • I’m desperately ready for a change
  • “Such and such” happened and now don’t know what to do with myself
  • I’m feeling excited and lost at the same time
  • My life is so stupid
  • I know that at 50 I’m supposed to make some big shift, but fill in the blank
  • I don’t know who I am anymore
  • I am so bored with my life
  • I never expected to find myself in this position
  • I never thought I would say this, but
  • I’m scared to make the wrong decision so I do nothing
  • I’ve always thought that by the time I turned 50, I would have fill in the blank
  • I’ve always wanted to fill in the blank but now it is too late

Most Frequent Questions:

Dear Mary,

  • What happened to me?
  • What am I doing?
  • Why am I so unhappy right now?
  • What do I do now?
  • Have I lost my mind?
  • Do you think I should…fill in the blank?

In this episode, I explain why these questions, statements, and the big cry on the bathroom floor are each hallmarks of the miserable experience at the very beginning of the midlife pivot journey. It isn’t pretty.

I go into great detail on the 5 steps to speed up this stage of misery and get to the good stuff: The “I LOVE MY 50s!” feeling that comes next. Honestly, it does. Pinky swear.

How can you speed up your midlife crisis?

Do NOT, repeat, do not make any huge changes. This is merely an urge to distract yourself with the excitement of something new and shiny.

Here is how you can DIY your accelerated Experience 50 Moment of Misery

  1. Acknowledge that you are having your big and normal Experience 50 Moment and consider what triggered it. That event has a message.
  2. Be kinder to yourself, you are your own best friend
  3. Increase your self-awareness through journaling, meditation, talking to friends, make lists,…
  4. Take inventory of your circumstances and respectfully face up to what is within and outside of your control
  5. Have some fun trying out some new things, LITTLE THINGS

Thank you OurKindra.com for supporting the Experience 50 Podcast for Midlife.

RESOURCES:

Mentioned in this episode:

THE SERENITY PRAYER

“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”


No One Is Coming

Nathaniel Branden ‘Six Pillars of Self-Esteem’

“One of the most important [revelatory] moments is when the client grasps that no one is coming. No one is coming to save me; no one is coming to make life right for me; no one is coming to solve my problems. If I don’t do something, nothing is going to get better. The dream of a rescuer who will deliver us may offer a kind of comfort, but it leaves us passive and powerless. We may feel if only I suffer long enough, if only I yearn desperately enough, somehow a miracle will happen, but this is the kind of self-deception one pays for with one’s life as it drains away into the abyss of unredeemable possibilities and irretrievable days, months, decades.”


Quote:

Personal growth is misleading because it sounds like it’s going to be fun. But if we called it “deliberately making yourself so uncomfortable it’ll feel like you’re dying,” then nobody would do it and we’d all be screwed!


Need more help?

Consider booking a mentoring session with me HERE. I’m not going to hook you into some long coaching package. That is not my thing. I provide a 60-minute, one-and-done conversation to listen to your story and steer you to a mindset that will help you as you move forward. You can read testimonials HERE.


EPISODE TRANSCRIPTION

I am testing out a new audio to text transcription service. Please excuse the “roughly accurate” nature of this text.

Experience 50 Podcast for Midlife | Episode 229 Is this normal at 50? | Mary Keyes Rogers

I am speaking with you today from a place of profound compassion and empathy as I respond en mass to literally hundreds of emails and messages that I have received in the last… oh, probably six weeks, there’s just been a flood in my email box, which is fine. I love hearing from you guys I do try to get back to everybody. 

But I’m sensing that there are a lot of troubled souls out there, and it’s a matter of their state of mind around being 50, around pivoting. And you know, I’m now calling myself a pivotologist. I have always wanted to be something, like a pivotologist. And so I went through these emails and, in the past, I’ve done listener letters where I read some of these letters and then, expound on what my advice was to them. 

There are so many with such common themes right now, that what I did is I went through and just kind of pulled out all of the very similar statements, and questions that I’m hearing and bottom line is, most of these people want to know, Am I normal? Is this normal, the way that they are feeling what they’re experiencing?

So that seems like a great topic for an episode. Is this normal at 50? 

Now, I’m going to talk about what’s normal at 50 in terms of your state of mind. And then I’m also going to share my advice, the five steps for speedily getting through this state of mind, which frankly is not very comfortable. 

All right, so I’m going to go through, you know, some of these statements and questions and talk about is it normal, I’m going to answer the question, but let me tell you what is not normal. Okay: If you are somewhere between 45 and 55. And you say, you know, I just don’t know what all that midlife fuss is about, and I’m the same person I was at 20 and 30 and 40 and I’m fine I don’t know what all this, all this muscle fuss is about, well. Alright, I’m going to call that what it is. That’s not normal. Not in my world, not in my personal, you know Experience 50 adventure. It’s not what I hear from people who have rich lives, who have some level of self awareness and who think about their lives.

So, I judged normal by what I read in my inbox. And here we go. Almost every message that I get includes one of the following statements:

I’m desperately ready for a change.

Such and such happened, and now I don’t know what to do with myself. The such and such is some external event that has occurred, it could be, you know, a job loss a divorce. Death of somebody close to you. It could be a serious illness, it could be that your kids moved out of the house, you know, there’s always a trigger event to these feelings.

All right, another one, another statement is My life is so stupid, which is so I love when I hear that because that was mine, way back.

I know that at 50, I am supposed to make some big shift. But, and then there’s their personal fill in the blank of why they’re not doing anything.

Here’s one, I don’t know who I am anymore.

I am so bored with my life.

I never expected to find myself in this position, but then fill in the blank.

I never thought I would say this, but fill in the blank.

I’m scared to make the wrong decision so I’m doing nothing. Oh, yeah, I know that one. I’ve always thought that by the time I turned 50, I would fill in the blank. Now usually that is financial security or they would absolutely have a solid relationship with someone, it could be anything but a lot of times it’s financial. And I also get these messages of. This is what I wanted in life, and now it is too late. So, you know, take any version of those statements.

And if you’re feeling that way doesn’t match up then with these questions that I get here are the questions.

What happened to me.?I love that. What am I doing this is usually when they’re doing something that they know is not helpful to their situation.

Why am I so unhappy right now?

What do I do now?

Have I lost my mind?

Mary, do you think I should, and then it’s a fill in the blank of some pivot, that they are considering.

Alright guys, I hear you. I totally hear you, I understand these feelings. I also can read between the lines, and I see a lot of emotion. A lot of anger hurt feelings disappointment, frustration, and I want to begin by letting those of you who are in that mode to understand that all of that emotion the very strong feelings, around this topic. You know, I mean, it’s interesting how many of the people I hear from describe, like, the lowest moment they’ve had is usually crying on a bathroom floor. And these are 99% women, by the way. So we’re spending a lot of time on the bathroom floor. We’re cry. And we’re wondering, Is this normal.

So here’s what you need to know:

Number one thing, these very strong feelings and emotions that may make you cry or drink or whatever you do to self soothe yourself. It’s just coming from confusion and fear, which is normal, nobody is comfortable when they can’t answer their own questions about their own life. I mean, that alone will just freak you out. And I do remember being in the very same space. The same place. I don’t think I cried on my bathroom floor. I wish maybe, maybe if I’d cried more, I would feel better about it, I spoke to one woman who was like I just feel like I need a huge cry, and I just can’t cry. So, you know, watch some sad movie See if you can get it going. But what I wish I had understood. When I was 50, but I didn’t. And I spent so much time and energy feeling just genuinely pissed off. But no one was there for me, there just wasn’t any messaging out there for me about the midlife, you know, Experience 50 Moment. I trudged through the muck. And it was only after researching the hell out of this topic of midlife changes and talking that hundreds and hundreds literally hundreds of people in their late 40s through their early 60s who kind of knew better by then, did I come to understand that I was normal. In thinking these thoughts and asking those same questions of myself feeling, you know just confused and generally out of sorts to the point that, in my case, I just wasn’t functioning at full capacity, if what I described sounds like you, I officially declare you to be a normal 50-year-old.

And here’s the thing though. Just because it is very common, or normal does not mean it is a good place to be for very long. Like acne. As a teenager, or you know heartburn when you’re pregnant. You know, there’s going to be an end to it that it just goes along with that phase of life, but we can only take so much for so long, right, because if you stay in that place for too long. I kind of think I worried that we lose our ability to find our way out of it, without a lot of professional help and prescription. So, how long is too long. Well, I guess it depends on your tolerance for misery.

My experience and expertise tell me that the misery reduces dramatically, once you accept that this is kind of a normal phase of life. It’s kind of a healthy thing that you’re going through, believe it or not, and I’ll explain that in a bit. And you need to commit to shifting your energy to more productive practices than just beating yourself up, which is what we do when we don’t understand ourselves, we just beat ourselves up we say these terrible things to ourselves.

You know, I talk about pivots. And, you know, if you think about it. This is funny I’m like the worst person to make sports analogies, but think of your pivot, as you know, a ball basketball. In a hoop. Okay. You may think right now that you need to pivot, and that the pivot is that you’re looking for a new hoop, you know, a new place to throw your ball, a new goal a new purpose something. And I want you to think of your ball as who you are. And the hoop. Is your direction and purpose. Okay, so it’s who you are and what is your purpose. If you know me we’re not talking about passion we’re talking about purpose. So what happens around this age is your ball may become completely unrecognizable. It may have turned into a pineapple or a serving spoon. You are the ball, your purposes the hoop. First, you have to understand your ball. So, last week I talked about making the right pivot. Colleen Chapman was my guest. And we talked about, you know, trying to figure out what your pivot is, and I will add to that, is it time for you to pivot, are you equipped to make a good pivot decision. Well, how do I suggest you do that how do you know well you got to know your ball, great basketball players know their ball so well, it becomes like an extension of their body. You know, you hear about basketball players who like sleep with their ball and always have the ball on their lap and they’re always handling the basketball. They know how it works they know how it responds and reacts and they do different things to it. They know what it’s capable of, and they know its limitations. I suggest what you think of, for right now, your purpose is a sense of peace. That’s what you want … is you want the misery to go away. And I will tell you there is an incredible sense of peace of calm. When you understand yourself, when you have a solid sense of, again, get that the only word for it, I can come up with is self-awareness.

And even if you continue to grow and morph as the years go on. You become very comfortable with who you are as a human being, what your needs are your flaws your gifts your shortcomings. Again it’s understanding your ball. The good news about this state of misery, is you’re changing into a different and more mature person, not just older but wiser. A person with fewer years ahead than behind gives you a sense of urgency about these things. It’s time now to focus on who you are, rather than what you were, or what you may become in the future, who are you right now, it’s less about doing, and more about being your circumstances are changing your perspectives, your values, your hormones, your interests your body your concerns your joys your assessment of all those things, good, bad ridiculous brilliant stupid flip flop up is down down is up. It’s like Alice in Wonderland. So, call it a change or a pivot, or a transition maybe a transformation if you like the bolder words. But what is normal, is that you are going about your life. And then you are not, you are experiencing something. It’s the first part of any pivot drumroll you ready for it, you are experiencing personal growth, you are at the very first stage of maturing of growing up of experiencing personal growth. There’s this quote that I came across this and I’m sorry I don’t know who said it, but I love this: Personal Growth is misleading because it sounds like it’s gonna be fun. But if we called it deliberately making yourself so uncomfortable, it feels like you’re dying. Nobody would do it. And we’d be totally screwed. I love that. You’ll hear, you know, different parts of this have come up in so many episodes of experience 50. And when the book club, met with Miriam, Mimi Feldman, and she talked about when her life was in crisis, and she really embraced meditation and yoga and experiencing personal growth, and she said, you know, that type of self-care it’s not about manicures and massages, it’s like standing in the fire and going to hell. Personal Growth is not fun, or easy. It is very very hard. So, here’s what I want to do. I do think you can, to some extent, DIY your Experience 50 moment. Now, I’m going to give you five things to do. I want to make that a longer, more detailed list. And so, if you kind of consider yourself to be on the other side of that experience. Please please please tell me how you did it. What were you know were there resources were there tools were there. Was it a TED talk was it a book that you read. Was it a certain meditation, app. Was it an experience that you had, you know, the Aha moment that got you to the place where you felt like you were on the other side of the misery, because I’m going to tell you guys, you, you are not going to make a successful pivot, until you get through the misery. Okay. And I will get to some of that in just a moment. There are a few ways that you can contribute to this project of mine to share resources. You can send me an email, Mary at experienced fifty.com. Or, you can do this through Facebook, there’s my Facebook group called experienced 50 midlife community asked to join. There will be a post there that you can comment on through Facebook you can also personal message me. Here’s a really great way that you can do it and this is a new way for me to hear from listeners. I now have voicemail on my website. Yeah, so if you go to experience fifty.com. On the right-hand side, if you’re on a desktop it’ll be right there on the right-hand side mobile you might have to scroll a bit, but you will see on the right-hand side, where you can send voicemail. I would love that because I might also be able to take some of those, and collect the audio and share them in future episodes so tell me what you did to get through and past that experience, 50 misery moment. So here are my five pieces of advice. Number one, acknowledge that you are having your big Experience 50 Moment, and consider what triggered it because I’m going to tell you right now that event has a message. Now, your trigger event. It may have been someone died. You got divorced, your children grew up and left you received a diagnosis that scared you someone else had a diagnosis that scared you. It could have been, you know, some change. Probably something, I’m going to tell you out of your control. Something happened to you. And it messed you up. And it’s not that it’s a bad thing that happened, it was just your wake up call. And I think there’s a lot of information for you in that wake-up call. I do that a lot in mentoring calls is, that’s what we figure out is why that thing that happened freak you out. All right. So, number one, acknowledge that you’re having your big Experience 50 Moment, and consider what triggered it that event has a message. Number two, be kinder to yourself, I want you to act as if you are your own best friend. I talk about this, especially as it relates to journaling, that I speak to myself in my journal, from the voice of my very best friend. I know sounds weird, but I want you to, you know, give yourself a break. Give yourself a break, you are going through something, and you need to be kind, you need to be forgiving. And, you know, spoil yourself with little things like bags and expensive toiletries and lipstick. Whatever it is for you but be kinder to yourself. Number three, increase your self-awareness through journaling, meditation, talking to friends, make a lot of lists. And these are the things that I want you to share with me. As I said before, either in email, or through Facebook, or by leaving me a voicemail. You need to go on this self-awareness journey. I hate the word journey, but there’s no other word. Number four, take inventory of your circumstances and respectfully face up to what is within and then what is outside of your control. Huge, huge I can’t tell you how many mentoring calls. I work with listeners. And the thing that just has them tied up in knots and so focused on and all their energy going toward is something that is completely outside of their control, completely outside of their control. And I help them through that. So take an inventory of your circumstances, those things that you think about that you don’t like. And is this even something you have control over. It’s, it’s an interesting experience when you actually fess up to things that are out of your control. And then, learn, learn how to manage your emotions around things that you don’t have control over talk about that more in a minute. And then number five. Have some fun trying out some new things. And then in big letters, little things. So, I don’t want you making big decisions right now. I don’t want you dramatically changing your life circumstances. I do want you to get used to doing things a little differently learning to get out of your comfort zone, just a little bit.

Let me recap:

#1 You’re acknowledging that this is your big experience 50 moment and you’re trying to figure out what the trigger was.

#2 You’re going to be kind to yourself.

#3 You’re going to try to increase your self-awareness through whatever means works for you.

#4 You are going to take inventory of your circumstances. And what is in and out of your control.

#5 You are going to have a little bit of fun trying out some new little things.

When we come back, we’re going to talk more about how to rescue yourself from misery. And what the bonuses are on the other side. But right now, a word from our sponsor…

… Okay, so we’re going to talk about rescuing from your misery. Here is something that was really helpful to me. And it’s a phrase that I have written on my wall, because from time to time, I need to remind myself of this. What that little post-it note says is: nobody is coming. Nobody is coming.

I heard it, it was in a movie and I wish I could remember which movie, but it was, you know, a damsel in distress situation, and the bad guy, you know, says to her. Nobody is coming, and I don’t know why but it just like hit me in the chest of that is a moment. If you feel like you’re waiting for something else to rescue you. That moment that you realize, no one is coming. No one’s coming, you are going to have to rely entirely upon yourself and your smarts to get yourself out of that situation. It was just a big wake up call to make. This is what I believe. At this age of life, you know I talked about. You can either grow up, or grow old. And it’s part of growing up, is realizing, nobody is coming. And you have to rescue yourself from your misery. But you also get to make all the decisions going forward about what your life is going to look like, and that part is pretty exciting to me.

When I owned Marigold Women in Business.my tagline, or one of many., the phrase that showed up on all of my swag and stuff was Chick in Charge. Not chicken charge, but: Chick in Charge. And this was an organization of female business leaders, and it was so interesting to me always the pushback that I got on that phrase because people thought it meant bitchy, you know, being bossy, You know I could go on and on about that, but what I spent so much time explaining to people was that Chick in Charge meant that I am my own boss in life, that I make my decisions. And I’m like, a sovereign nation. It’s all on me, the good, the bad, I have to take responsibility for it. The buck stops here, which is not to say that I’m, you know, telling other people what to do in their lives. It’s not to say that I don’t consider you know the needs of my kids and my husband and my parents and my loved ones and my responsibilities to other people and institutions, it’s just that it’s all on my shoulders. That is, it’s a huge responsibility for one because then you can’t blame other people. I found, and I like the way that these two things that Chick in Charge and Nobody is Coming, kind of relate to each other. It’s sort of interesting.

I found that there is a great book about personal development, called the Six Pillars of Self-Esteem, written by Nathaniel Branden. And here’s a little quote from what he says.

One of the most important moments is when the client grasps that no one is coming. No one is coming to save me. No one is coming to make life right for me. No one is coming to solve my problems. If I don’t do something, nothing is going to get better. The dream of the rescuer, who will deliver us may offer a kind of comfort, but it leaves us passive, and powerless. We may feel if only I suffer long enough. If only I yearn desperately enough, somehow, a miracle will happen. But this is the kind of self-deception, one pays for with one’s life as it drains away into the abyss of unredeemable possibilities and irretrievable days, months, decades. Nobody is coming.

Wow. Well, he sure said that better than I could. That’s it, kids. That is it. And I think that if you can embrace that idea that in your Experience 50 Moment of accepting responsibility, that nobody is coming, you have no choice. You either have to accept that this misery, is the way things are going to be for you forever. Or you can take responsibility, figure out your shit and move on. At this point in life. You are changing into a different and more mature person.

We focus on the idea that we’re getting older, which people think is a bad thing, but I’ll tell you, you are becoming a person who is wiser, and that is awesome. A person with fewer years ahead of them. Then behind them is a lot smarter. And right now is the time to focus on who you are, rather than who you were, or who you may become your circumstances, all around you are changing your perspectives, your values, Lord knows your hormones, your interests your body, your concerns your joys your assessment of all those things as good or bad, ridiculous, brilliant, you’ve gone flip flop, up is down and down is up and it feels a bit like Alice in Wonderland.

And you can call it a midlife change that you’re going through, or a pivot, or a transition, maybe you like the bigger words like transformation. But what is normal, is that you are going about your life, and then… you are not. You are experiencing what is called. This is the big drumroll moment,… personal growth.

Your lizard brain is saying Stop! Stop!, you know, stay the course. Change is bad. I don’t want to grow into something different. I want everything to stay exactly the same. But your thinking brain is telling you, you need to pivot, or change, because your circumstances, no longer allow you to advance toward whatever goal, you thought you had, you’ve hit the brick wall. Life isn’t working anymore You’re, you’re busy happy life. And it may feel like it’s broken. I assure you it is not broken. It is perfect, it is, you know, your trigger event, and your age, and the world. Just hit you like a two by four in the head. And it’s not a bad thing. It’s perfect. Going back to, you know, pivot talk in basketball terms. You come to realize that in your present position. You just can’t shoot to score anymore. So, the new immediate goal is the pivot, you know you think. Alright, I’m gonna stop in place. I’m going to look for new opportunities. I’m gonna take the best action under the circumstances. And the thing is, you know, just like in basketball, where nothing is in your control. You know where the other players are positioned but the circumstances are. The difference is that in your…. well, maybe it makes it the same, but within your own life, the circumstances. There are a lot of things you can’t change about the circumstances because other people are involved, but a lot of the circumstances, you can change or get this, you can change how important those circumstances are to you, you know, are you just focused on obstacles or drama that you can change how much you care. Or you don’t care for folks who go to a and can’t move ahead because of their drinking or their addictions, the Serenity Prayer is perfect, God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. You do not have to be in recovery for that prayer, or that mantra to change your life. When so many of our circumstances are changing around us. We ourselves are changing so much. You’re just going to drive yourself insane. If you keep trying to shoot your ball in that same old hoop whatever your hoop was.

So here’s the good thing if you feel like you really need to pivot. You already have. A pivot has already happened. And you just didn’t take notice the pivot is happening inside you. You’ve changed. And at the same time, your circumstances. The details of the role you play in the world the role you play in your relationships. It’s changed as well. And you might dear, or still driving on the same road expecting the intersections ahead of you to look the same as they always did for the traffic lights to work the same way they always did. And now, you just don’t even recognize them, and guess what’s happening? Yep, you are experiencing personal growth. So, that is pivot number one is the experience of personal growth and it sucks. I mean it’s really good on the other side. But when it lands in your lap, and you weren’t expecting it, and you may be grieving, a loss. At the same time, it is a transition. That is really hard. Going back to you know where I started with this episode. Is this normal. Yes, it is normal, it’s unpleasant. And it’s no fun. And until you stop fighting it. You’re gonna be miserable. You’re trying to get back to where you were before I just want to feel normal again I just want to be happy I just want Monday to feel like Tuesday to feel like Wednesday. And I’m just going to suggest to you that your best next step. When you are desperate to take control of your life, you know, especially if you’re thinking I just need to change something if I change something, then that means it’ll be better. Don’t do it. I think you need to pause, you know, we talk about unfolding yourself. Take stock and check yourself. I’ll ask you right now. Are you willing to blow up your life in exchange for a sense of control? When things get outside of your control other people are making decisions moving on with their lives, and you just want everything back the way it used to be you want your kids to need you you want. You know the old job back you want whatever it was, you want a relationship back, and we try to get control. I’ll I think I’ve told this story once before, but I’ll tell it again, try not to make it too political but in 2016. The morning after the election as I sat on my couch watching you know what, and it blew my mind because the results were not what we expected. I did something really weird. And while I was doing it, I was like this is really a strange thing for me to do but I could not stop myself. So I have my nails are a little bit long, they’re always polished. And I sat in front of the TV on the couch and I went and got a nail clipper like my husband’s horrible toenail clipper, and with my nails perfectly polished. I took this nasty toenail clipper, and I cut my nails all off, like right down to the quick. And I, it was just a weird cycle moment for me. And I don’t know why I did it but I did it, and then within about a week, I read an article that said, women all over America were going into their hairdressers and asking to have their hair color change have all their hair cut off and psychologists, you know, came in commenting saying it’s a sense of control, that when something outside of your life makes you uncomfortable, you grasp, to take control of whatever you can. And so for women, it was like actually physically changing their bodies and their appearances. And, I mean, wow, that isn’t it. I just think that’s pretty cool that. That’s exactly what I was doing. And it’s once you realize that you really don’t control everything around you, and that we put way too much energy into doing it I think that’s probably the biggest difference in my life is realizing that I don’t have control over things, you’ll. If you’ve listened to, very many past episodes, you hear the word surrender, come up a lot. And that is what you are surrendering to is the fact that you do not have control. It is awesome. You can get there. I’m just gonna say surrender is a beautiful thing doesn’t mean you’ve given up, doesn’t mean you’re a loser means you’re staying in your lane of knowing what you can control. Alright so we talked about your ball and how important it is to understand your ball, that is you, that is going through the personal growth experience of self-awareness and along that track you are going to want to change some of your behaviors your thought patterns in order to have a more fulfilling life, moving forward. That is when you are ready to pivot.

Now, I will tell you that some of us think our pivot is identifying the new purpose in our life. And going back to basketball, that would be the hoop, so you got the ball you got the hoop. And you think your pivot is to figure out what the hoop is, here’s my take on the hoop and your purpose. This is for me. I don’t know if it’s gonna be for you, but I have figured out my purpose, my hoop, is to have a sense of inner peace. That’s it. Now, in order for me to feel a sense of inner peace, I have had to come up with my list of what brings me peace. And some of those things are just maintenance activities that I do, but it’s also finding out what fulfills me, what brings me, my joy. And what, you know, I, you guys know I don’t like the passion word, I think that once you have a sense of, for me, inner peace. That’s when my passion gets exercised in doing the things I do that make me feel fulfilled. So for me it, you know, big thing for me, helping other people, it’s all about other people. That is when I feel best about my purpose my role in the world is when I know I’m of service to others. When I am serving the goals of organizations and institutions that I care about. When I’m helping other individual people. When I’m supporting my family members. I feel inner peace when my bank account is healthy. And so these are the things that I put my energy into in order to feel inner peace. So that’s my purpose really, when I wake up every morning and I’m so thankful that my feet hit the floor that I’m still here is, it’s my task, my responsibility, I am the Chick in Charge of making sure I do what I need to do to maintain my sense of inner peace that I am aligned with my values that I understand what is important, that I avoid drama, that I am helpful in situations, that I’m not selfish. And that I have my eyes open to any behaviors, or thought Experience 50 Moment. It’s really hard. It feels like pure misery. And I want us to collectively kind of try to help each other feed each other’s souls with how you get through that point to the other side, where all the groovy stuff happens, because you do you hear people and I am one of them. I love being in my 50s. Oh my gosh, I have never been happier with my approach to life. I guess you would say. So to get there, you need to get through the misery. Again, the steps that I suggest, number one, acknowledge that you are going through this that it is normal. It is common. It is a healthy place for you to be because the other side is so much better. Number two, be kind to yourself. Number three, increase your self-awareness through, you know, what you put in your brain. And that can be journaling meditation watching TED Talks reading books finding blogs that speak to you, making lists. And as you’re making lists number four, take inventory of your circumstances and face up to what it is that is inside and outside of your control that you’re probably obsessing about a little bit, and then take action on the things you can, and stop thinking about the things you can’t control. And then number five, have some fun try out some new things, little things don’t do anything drastic. So, tell me what has helped you send that to me by either send me an email and subject line, What Helped Me, that’d be good. Mary at experience50.com, or message me through Facebook or offer it up in a post that I have on the midlife community group page, or. Best of all, because I kind of want to test this out it’s a new little tech tool I have that leaves me a voicemail on my website at experience fifty.com.

Alright guys, you know, if I’ve ever said you’ve got this with enough, passion, like boys, you, you. You’ve got this. You really do, you’ve got this. Just pay attention. Don’t pull the covers over your head and be miserable. It’s okay to cry on the bathroom floor for like once. Once we’re all cry on the bathroom floor. And then it’s time to do the work. Alright, guys, you do. Bye.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

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